


He drove past the street each night.

by soufflepuff



Series: illicit affairs [2]
Category: MY FIRST STORY (Band)
Genre: Angst, Based on a Taylor Swift Song, Flashbacks, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, i still don't know how to tag sorry guys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-29
Updated: 2020-10-29
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:55:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27266065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soufflepuff/pseuds/soufflepuff
Summary: It’s 2 AM, and here they were. Teru sees his face, hears his voice in the dark.
Relationships: Nishizawa Teruki/Sasaki "Kid'z" Shohei
Series: illicit affairs [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1990861
Kudos: 3





	He drove past the street each night.

**Author's Note:**

> this is a sequel of some sort of the previous fic about terukid'z that I wrote, All Too Well! but it won't be as hurtful i promise

Teru pulls the curtains aside and looks out at the city skyline, raindrops chasing each other down the window panes in a hurried race. He sits down in his chair by the window, pulling his legs up on it and curling up sideways. He’s clutching Shohei’s scarf, the scarf that he left at his sister’s house and promised to return to him. But he secretly hopes that Shohei had forgotten about it, because he wanted to hold on to the only remnants of him that he had, Shohei’s scent still lingering strong.

All the city lights are on and it looks as if a painter had painted a scene in the finest of oil paints, the shimmering of lights against the downpour seemed unreal. It reminds him so much of when he and Shohei had just moved into their apartment. There’s something about the glow from the puddled pavement reflected from the streetlights that brought a romantic atmosphere. He remembers how clean and fresh the air smelled. Like starting a new beginning, he recalls how clean, innocent, and naïve their relationship was.

It’s raining now and instead of blessing the rains like he used to, he’s cursing it. Because Shohei’s not there with him now and everything feels wrong.

Before he realizes it, the clock on the wall shows that it’s 1:58. He really should be going to sleep, but he can’t help to think about what he and Shohei had been through. He thinks about summer, where everything was good and beautiful, and as one would in summer, they didn’t have a care in the world. He was right there beside him all summer long, and then they woke up to find that summer gone. And for once, he’s glad that he woke up just in time to push through his fears to make things work with Shohei. So despite the somber mood and cold as fall approached, he has never been as happy as he was when he watched Shohei laughing from the driver’s seat, knowing that he was his. He was trying so hard to not get caught up in the moment, but the sight of Shohei just singing his heart out with winds blowing off his hair made him absent-mindedly want him. He realized how he has fallen for this man, because he couldn’t keep his eyes on the road.

He can feel his eyelids are getting heavy, so he decides to call it a night. He gets up from his seat to get ready for bed, until he sees Shohei’s car passing down the street. Teru had to rub his eyes to make sure what he is seeing is true, and that he is not hallucinating and only hoping for it to happen. But even in the dark, he can make out the dented car plate that’s unmistakably his.

Shohei continues to drive straight ahead past their old apartment, and Teru thought that maybe unlike him, Shohei has decided to move on from their relationship. Teru have hoped that he hasn’t, looking back to how Shohei was a mess when they first had a rehearsal together after the breakup. It was so excruciating to see him low, and he wanted so badly to touch his face and ask if he wanted to try again with him. But seeing him engaged in a smile that created little wrinkles around his eyes and grooves in his cheeks, saying that he’s fine and that he’s put everything in the past, he decided against it.

He's thinking that Shohei hates him now, because even after the wide grin and assuring Teru that he’s okay, he looked like he was holding off on saying something. But in the end, Teru never knew what he never said.

He wishes their relationship didn’t end on such a bad note, leaving him to think Shohei hated him. He wishes he would come back to their apartment, because he’d welcome him with open arms. He wishes he never hung up the phone like he did, back on that last heated conversation they had before everything went downhill. He wishes Shohei knew he will always be a part of his memory and an amazing part of his life, and that Teru would never forget him as long as he lives. Even though their relationship was over, it doesn’t change what was so good about it now that it’s over.

But most of all, he wishes Shohei were right there, right now, and that everything is good.

Because these days, he hasn’t been sleeping. Despite being tired from a long, hard week, Teru couldn’t stop replaying over and over again on how Shohei left, dwelling on the past and thinking about how they would have done things differently, how he could have made Shohei stay. He could still feel Shohei’s kiss on his cheek as he watched him leave as if he’s made a permanent mark on it. He remembered how he fell to his knees as he watched Shohei leave, and how weak he felt because he couldn’t run to him, because even if he did, he was afraid that he’s already lost him. It killed him to see him go after all those times together.

He’d go back in time and change it all, but he can’t.

So he did the only thing that he could do: sitting by the window with a bottle of beer on his grip, looking out at the city, hoping that Shohei would somehow pass the street again. As he sees headlights pass the windowpane, his mind immediately takes him to Shohei. He tries to shrug it off, because Shohei couldn’t possibly be passing by their old street for two nights in a row. As big of an idiotic fool Shohei is, Teru trusts Shohei to know better than to go back to a godforsaken mess that Teru is.

Because he knows that Shohei has been losing grip on the sinking ship of their relationship, a love that was crooked in a straight line down.

But still, he wants to hold on to the hope of Shohei coming back home to him. He wishes that they could go back and remember what they were fighting for. He wishes Shohei knows that he misses him too much to be mad at himself anymore. He hopes Shohei realizes how important he is to him.

But most of all, he wishes Shohei were right there, right now, and that everything is good.

Maybe Teru has been going back too much, to when time stood still, and he had Shohei in his arms. He feels like time moves too fast without him. The more it goes, the more he’s gone, the more time takes him away from Teru. He wants to go back to when they turned their bed into a sacred oasis, back to when they had so much chemistry before he blew them up, until there’s no more “them”. He wants to let him know that he was the king of his heart, his body, and his soul, and that he still remains so, even on the nights when he went off crying like sirens, because he wasn’t there with him. But he realizes that it’s a little bit too late, because Shohei gave him everything when he was his, and he gave him nothing in return. Shohei gave Teru all his love, and all he gave him was goodbye.

But little did he know, the love he thought was dead would come back alive.

Because the city is asleep, yet he’s never felt more awake. It’s become quite the routine for him, sleepless nights imbued with what feels like a thousand memories being put on loop, as he awaits the subtle feeling of peace whenever a car passes down the street, holding on to the hope that it might just be Shohei’s. Thus, as soon as he spots the headlights soaring through the night, he lets out a small breath of relief as he pulls himself away from the window, finally preparing himself to sleep.

After he’s done what he needed to do before bed, he decides to take one last look at the window. He doesn’t know what brought him to do so, but he’s glad that he did. He stood frozen in his tracks, surprised by the silhouette standing below like a ghost from the past coming to haunt him.

He can hear his own heart beating, and they sound like Shohei’s footsteps on the stairs, back when he tried to sneak off when he had his nightmares. He’d do anything to go back to that night, to dancing as the lights went out, swaying like they’re in a snow globe, an eternal wonderland that stays fresh forever.

Now the possibility presents itself, and he’s hoping that they could dance again through the avalanche that he’s caused. He has never run as fast as he did, almost tripping on his own steps. He scrambles to open the door, the only thing separating him from the love of his life.

Even in his silent screams and wildest dreams, he’s never dreamed of this. It seems impossible for Shohei to just show up on his front porch, but here they are, alone for what seems too long.

Teru could see Shohei’s face, his handsome features lit through the darkness, the light reflecting the chain on his neck. For a second there he hesitates, even though he’s memorized all his lines on this one scene of the movie on his head. But words won’t seem to come out of his mouth, as he is still dazed from who is in front of him.

His hands still shaking from all of the silence and patience, but the pining and anticipation made him let go of his fears and his ghosts.

‘I’m sorry’, was the first thing he said, something he should’ve said before he went exile seeing Shohei out. And right before Shohei’s eyes, he breaks. His heart aching, vulnerabilities exposed. It’s just him and Shohei, with nowhere to hide. He whispers words for just them to hear, that he loves him, and that’s all there is to know.

He looks at Shohei’s eyes, glimmering from the streetlights. He could see Shohei’s brown orbs pierce through his own. He thought that maybe vacancy and detachment would replace the warmth in his eyes, but he can still see the softness gleaming beneath his glassy eyeballs, the same look he always gave him before he let him walk out.

Shohei takes one step, closing the distance between the two. It may not seem much, but it said enough. And there on the sidewalk, they kiss. Teru’s breath catches in his throat as Shohei’s lips press against his in a tender, drawn-out kiss. Teru runs his fingers through Shohei’s hair, desperately clinging to each strand like his life depends on it. He feels as if time suspends indefinitely as the moment prolongs. Shohei’s touch stokes an intense flame within him, the flame that has been flickering and glowing softly but never put out.

Shohei knows that it would be smart to pull away from him, but he can’t bring himself to do it. After all, this mad love makes Shohei come running to stand back where he stood. Even though the relationship is scary, and that objectively, he shouldn’t go back to it, based on the emotional turmoil and confusion he’s undergone, he is desperate to see Teru. And yet it’s exactly the danger that provides a thrill unlike any other that has made him want to pursue it again. After all, nothing safe is worth the drive, and that even though their relationship is treacherous, the way he loves him makes all the trouble worthwhile.

And the ultraviolet morning light shining through the very window that Teru has been staying up on for the past few nights, tells him that this love is worth the fight.

**Author's Note:**

> been putting this off for a while because I don't know how to write fluff, even though there's only like a tiny bit of it here lol  
> lemme know what you think:)


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